GUIDE ME HOME

  Sung by: Montserrat Caballé, Freddie Mercury

Lyrics by: Freddie Mercury, Mike Moran

1. 5. 1994.

    Ayrton had a loyal friend among people in F-1 world and he was the one who thought how to honor, at least symbolically, his fellow-countryman who was tragically killed on Saturday. It was Joseph Leberer who remembered that Ayrton would have loved to lift Austrian flag on Sunday when he would win (because he would have won!), to say the last goodbye to Roland. Ayrton would love to do it with all his heart. Joseph knew that, Joseph knew Ayrton. But nobody’s flag was lifted on Sunday. The hand which would lift Austrian was dead and there wasn’t for some other which would be worthy to lift the Brazilian because the winner of the 1994 race in Imola literally drove on Ayrton’s blood.

The drivers are not to blame for continuation of this shameful race. In that moment they were just string puppets which had to behave according to the decision of the officials -  all except Berger, in his case tears were stronger then everything else.  

Joseph Leberer, Ayrton's physioterapist, Monaco 1994

Why and how was the continuation of this show possible despite Ayrton’s tragedy? Because the continuation of this race is really inexcusable. To understand why we need to look at things from the point of view of the people who organize and lead this, in its essence, a cruel circus (and every circus is cruel).

The officials didn’t like Ayrton at all. Despite all the spoken words, the truth looms behind every of them. Ascetic Brazilian with his unattainable moral principles and his uncompromising nature was against the grain of every authority. They had to respect him but they would be happiest if he was gone. Once Martin Brundle, half in joke, but then again unusually honestly, expressed the real feelings about Ayrton inside F-1, although he was talking from a position of a competitor: "I would damnedly wish", he said, "he would finally pack his bags and go back to Brazil. It would be the only way the rest of us would have a chance. It is no doubt that he’s really a great driver - to devil with him!"  

Aida 1994

The officials thought the same - they damnedly wished he would return to Brazil and start working only on his projects so he wouldn’t spoil their gladiator arrangement in F-1 over and over again. This is the reason why the first sparks of people’s thoughts after the car with the number two on it went out of the race in Imola were most probably a bit different from those expressed later, in carefully selected words, and they show for themselves the real state of things. What did some people think at that moment? Some of them admitted their thoughts themselves, and the thoughts of the others can be guessed without any difficulty:

the officials: let him stay out of the game as long as possible, at least he won’t be able to give us headaches and talk about security all the time...

M. Scumacher: great, now I have the victory in my pocket...

journalists: what a shame, the race won’t be exciting any more (the isn’t anyone to hunt)...

a few supporters: no, not again...

Adriane: oh, that’s good, he’ll be home sooner...

And what did the great boss Bernie Ecclestone think because he was the one who gave the order to wash out Senna’s blood of the track and start again. Just 10 minutes after the accident, while eating an apple, he said to Ayrton’s brother: "I’m sorry, he’s dead, but we’ll only announce it after the end of the race." People usually eat apples when they’re not too disturbed by the way things around them are developing. These words and that decision have put Bernie Ecclestone in an separate category which was confirmed also by the family of Ayrton Senna, through their persisting in a decision that he isn’t welcome at Ayrton’s funeral.

The real relation between Ayrton Senna as a man and the management of F-1 as a institution is clearly seen in the desperate phone talk between Ayrton and his girlfriend (Adriane wasn’t present at race in Imola) which took place on Saturday after Roland’s death. She asked him: "Tell me, how’s everything there?" and he answered her desperately crying: "It’s like shit! Shit! Shit! ... Austrian driver... He crashed and died... I saw: he died right in front of me... And they are saying that he died in hospital... He died here... I saw..." He saw and knew that there is no mercy and that even death won’t stop the fastest circus in the world. "Don’t you know them? That’s the way it is. They are like this", that was his reply to Adriane’s tepid attempt to console him. No, she didn’t know them and unfortunately this Ayrton’s last cry for understanding and support was addressed to a person who wasn’t able to cope with the situation.

After he was also gone, the authorities (which he got to know so well) were hoping too soon they had finally got rid of the "crazy Brazilian" because, as it turned out, even death wasn’t strong enough to remove him completely. Nothing stayed the same after his leaving because formula one didn’t pass the exam on the 1^st May 1994. The cold, sterile, high-tech and highly politicized world of F-1 was a frame that only emphasized more Ayrton’s gentle but, at the same time, incredibly strong person. Now when Ayrton is gone, F-1 stayed behind like a body without soul.  

Imola 1.5.1994

And how did Ayrton leave us physically? The safety-car came to the track after the first impact between Lamy and Lehto on the start. Ayrton didn’t like to drive like that, because it is a limitation, incertitude - you know that something happened, but you’re not sure what, and except that, you need to calm down your already warm car, as well as your nerves which you have to force to wait. And that day in Imola, waiting was for Ayrton particularly hard, because if he couldn’t wait before, now he wasn’t allowed to do it. That was the reason he rushed  with all force as soon as the safety-car was removed. He rushed with only one wish, a wish he had never before - to end this race as soon as possible, to put it behind him. In his mind, he was already behind Tamburello bend, when the car betrayed him. Shock to the nerves was terrible, but it didn’t paralyze him. He realized what was happening, the thoughts are faster than a car, even when it scorches with 300 km/h. -There is too little space- he realised in shock while he was coming closer to the concrete wall which at the end formed his limit.

"When I’m going to crash the car, I know I’m going to crash. I don’t go blind. Some drivers say that they switch off but I feel what is going to happen."

He left us these words and by means of them we can try to comprehend what was happening in that little period of time. First he did everything that could be done with the car. He reduced the speed from 300 km/h down to 210 km/h, and doing that, he didn’t have the time to prepare his body like always for what was about to follow, he only prepared his spirit praying his short prayer: My God, my God, please don’t leave me; he closed his eyes, and then, then his famous yellow helmet to which he was faithful for so many years also betrayed him and this entire world vanished for Ayrton Senna in a flash of an orange light. It happened so fast that he didn’t have time to get scared. Death came instead of fear.

Ayrton Senna confronted death the same way he was confronting life: without fear.